The Road to My Joan Rivers Epiphany

My friend Andrew asked me to write another blog post, so here, Truong, this is for you!

Well, they took out all my wisdom teeth yesterday.

I hate that my body rejects medicine. I don’t know what my deal is, but my body does not like foreign chemicals going in there and trying to change it. (Weird, right? Imagine that Mother nature knows more than we do! :0) But of course, yesterday after my wisdom teeth extraction, they gave me Percocet. To be honest with you, I felt fine. (Knock on wood) But my mother told me to eat and take the dang medicine.

“You need food in you! You need energy!” Over and over and over. Why. Why, I ask. Why do I need energy to sit on my butt and watch TV. Plus, there are plenty of anorexic people in this world that haven’t eaten in weeks, and they’re still walking around just fine. A day without food isn’t going to do me any harm other than dropping a pant size. (And oh, what a darn darn shame THAT would be, what woman wants that!). But, what validity is there in my argument? I didn’t want to take it, I didn’t need to take it, I didn’t have any pain other than the fact that she was being a pain in my butt. So I took it.

Well, whaddaya know, it made me SICK. Could have told you that one. Please, don’t freak out. I will not be detailing my battle against the pain pills for you, because it was simply gross. But I will say that I did not enjoy getting sick multiple times after getting 4 teeth ripped out of my mouth. The combination of the entire thing was a disaster. I laid in bed last night for hours feeling miserable. Just the feeling of being nauseous can be a killer. And that, my friends, it was.

It only got better though, and I definitely feel very lucky. I only took the one Percocet, and I really didn’t even need it. I’ve taken Ibuprofen I want to say like…3 times, and I’m not swollen or bruised or totally ugly! Okay, well I haven’t showered, worn makeup or washed my face, so I’m probably looking a little rough.But I was expecting much worse from this surgery, and I’m feeling extremely blessed that it’s gone well.

Here is a detailed account of my post-op schedule, because I know you care:

11am: Surgery. Go in, get a needle stuck in your arm, wake up 45 minutes later not knowing what the heck happened.

12pm-1pm: Sit in the car for an hour with gauze shoved in my jaws waiting for my prescription to be filled. Screw you, Rite Aid, it should only take 30 seconds to put 20 pills in a bottle. I was literally drooling blood down the front of my shirt and they’re just taking their sweet time.

1-5pm: Watch TV and put ice packs on and off my face. Actually, it was packages of peas, so it made me nauseous just smelling them as they progressively got more and more thawed out.

5-6:45pm: Sleep. Since I was feeling sick, I decided to try to sleep it off. Which I did, until I got up and tried to eat something (yet again, not MY idea….are you sensing a pattern?)

7pm: E!News! Hello, a girl can’t miss her daily dose of entertainment news. It was the high point of my day. I love me some Giuliana Rancic.  Girl crush to the extreme.

8-9:30pm: Tried to sleep and combat nausea. Losing battle. Enough said.

10-11pm: Watched a documentary on Joan Rivers. Um, AMAZING! I don’t love a lot of language in movies so it was a little cringe-worthy at some parts, but WHAT-A-WOMAN! Joan seems like a tough lady on the outside, but do you even KNOW how kind she is?! She works her little (probably plastic) booty off. She pays for her employees kids to go to private school, how amazing is that. It completely changed my image of her. She also delivers Thanksgiving meals to sick and dying people every single Thanksgiving. How simply generous. Although she can be crude and racy- scratch that, although she IS crude and racy, I have a massive amount of respect for her. Watch the documentary, it’s called “Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work.” It’s on Netflix. (Thanks babe for letting me hack your Netflix. Love you!)

Yada yada yada, I woke up this morning and watched like 6 episodes of Giuliana and Bill, (I’m also in love with Bill Rancic, he’s the man). I actually ate some food and drank a milkshake. I know, you want to be me right now! I painted my nails, they actually look quite snazzy, I’m totally loving them. I’ve done nothing all day and I’d actually really love to work out.

DON’T WORRY, all you M.D’s out there, I am not going to actually work out. As appealing as some more blood drooling sounds, I will learn to be content sitting here in all my lazy glory watching TV for the next 2 days. And only the next two days! Why? Because I move into my new apartment on Monday. What a week! I’m sure I’ll be documenting my next month plenty, so see you soon, fellow Upper East Siders.

Why, why do I always sign off with a Gossip Girl reference!

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